Played by the Banjo

I’ve adopted a dog – unless the owners show up, but with the way this dog’s fur was matted, she’s been neglected and so the previous owners don’t deserve her. Mom decided to call her Banjo.

When I first got Banjo to her temporary home, she acted like the classic traumatized animal. She’s a tiny terrier breed and so she’s easy enough to pick up and hold like a toddler. She demanded comforting while I was around.

After going inside the house and returning, she acted happy until she saw me. Then the scared demeanor returned and it was back to comforting and petting. I held her like a toddler while Chris was cutting grass until she wanted down. And, when we left with promises to return the next day, her whimpering made my heart break.

Yet, Chris’s grandfather reported that, when we were gone and when no one else is around, Banjo doesn’t make any noise. As Chris put it, she found her sucker.

I’ve been played by Banjo, darnit.

The Apathy of Laziness

Huh, that sounds like a book title.

Anyway, I’m trying to think of something to write for these things (like really, I’m not interesting, why) and I got to thinking about my life. Which is entirely uninteresting. But, it does contain one fact: I’m lazy.

Sometimes, it’s due to me forgetting to take my Adderall. I don’t get that kick-start of motivation, or I don’t take the second dose and kind of wither away into nonfocused tiredness. I just sit and do mindless things – playing games on my phone, mostly – for hours. I know that I need to get up and go do something, but I look at the clock, mentally shrug, and think, “I’ve got time.”

Other times, it’s caused by procrastination. Even medicated, I look at a clock and think the same thing. I fully intend to do the thing, but time goes by and suddenly it’s too late to do the thing. That’s how laundry piles up, dishes sit, and cats go unfed. Though I make sure to take care of my cats! And, if I don’t, I have a wonderful other half to watch out for them. It does make me question how good of a human baby parent I’d be, though. Ack.

The rest of the time, it’s just because I simply do not want to do the thing. I don’t want to wash the dishes that have piled up and wouldn’t have been so bad if only I’d done it before. The cat litter boxes are so bad that I really don’t want to dig out the chunks – if I owned the property I lived in, I’d just dump them out back and start fresh. Logically, I know that I NEED to do the thing. I try to work up the motivation to do the thing. Most of the time, I fail because of the other part of the title of this article: apathy.

When I’m in the depths of my laziness, I’m simply too lazy to care. It could be exhaustion, or it could be childhood defenses come to rise (you can’t be hurt if you don’t allow yourself to feel!). Whatever the case, at my worse, I simply don’t care enough to do anything, even eat or drink. Did that cause my dehydration that made me go to the hospital? Or was is overwork that caused me to forget to eat and drink? Whatever the case, I’ll have to remind myself, “Hey, you haven’t eaten since nine this morning and it’s four in the afternoon. You might wanna get a nibble.”

I don’t know what the end goal here is. Maybe I’m just trying to sum up my own feelings so they make sense to me. I’m certainly not going to use this as an excuse – as my favorite fanfic author says, “There are reasons, but no excuses.” I don’t want this to excuse my laziness and let it continue. I want this to serve as a reminder so that maybe I can get a kick up the ass and actually do stuff.

Maybe I’ll go play tennis – well, hit the ball at said other half and watch it go out of bounds, or get the swing-and-a-miss treatment, and then wait for it to come back. Then I miss it, and the cycle continues. Lack of exercise can cause lethargy, right? Right?

Ah, who am I kidding.

Welp

Looks like my previous blog was a bit too soon. It turns out that there’s only so long a person can be yelled at for doing their job before they snap. My breaking point was last Friday, June 9, when I got called back to my department and yelled at for leaving it unattended to do a pick up order. Keep in mind this is common practice, as there’s not really anyone I can call to watch if there’s no one scheduled for the surrounding departments.

I got fed up and, when asked if I worked Saturday, informed them I wouldn’t be. I left my vest and turned in the keys, cleaned out my locker, and walked out. Yes, I was upset and incredulous with myself, and yes, it will be more difficult to pay our bills.

However. The peace of mind I have now – no more working seven days each week! No more stress from a company that doesn’t care about me! – has more than made up for the lack of finances. I know that, with careful budgeting and spending, we’ll be able to manage. It will take self-control and discipline, but we will succeed. I won’t let Walmart have the last laugh.

And… well, how satisfying does it feel to know that I can get my revenge from beyond the grave, so to speak? 11 years with a company gives people a certain… shall we say, repertoire of knowledge concerning practices that are against company policy or downright illegal. To answer the first question, it feels quite satisfying to know that I can get people fired.

Yes, I know it’s petty, but I’m angry. Livid. Infuriated that I felt like I had to quit to get some respite. Before, I feared retaliation. I have no such concerns now.

On the plus side, I have a lot more time on my hands now! I can work on Corinne and Robbie’s story. I can work on Trust’s sequel. Maybe I can do more around the house, even. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Belated updates, whoo

It’s been ages, I know, but I have a good excuse this time.

In addition to being an overworked and underpaid Walmart Associate, I am now a reporter! The Pointe Coupee Banner thinks my writing is good enough to write articles for them, and I’ve been doing it for the past nine or ten months.

Let me tell you, though, writing nonfiction articles is a much different beast from writing fiction. With fiction, if I don’t know the exact circumstances behind something, I can fudge the details under the guise of creative license.

With a newspaper, and especially the official journal of the parish, the details matter. If you’re not sure of the truth, it can’t be printed, it’s that simple. The attention to detail – who, what, where – can mean the difference between an article and an opinion piece. I can’t speculate to make the story more interesting. I can only work with the facts, no matter how bare or uninteresting they are.

All I can do to make my articles interesting is to have a good writing style. Hopefully, the positive responses I’ve received from the articles I’ve written are an indication that my style is good enough to keep people reading. I now have people requesting me, specifically, to write their articles. How strange is that?

Decades from now, people may look into the archives and see what I’ve written. People may clip my articles for keepsakes. It’s… daunting and terrifying. Every author wants to have their writing read in the years to come. Before, it was an abstract concept. Now I have that reality in front of me and I wonder if I’m good enough to deserve that.

There’s no point in wondering, or having doubts. All I can do is keep writing.

Chilling and chatting

Once a month is better than every three, right? Things are still so hectic that I’m still trying to settle into a schedule. I haven’t been playing many games, though, so I don’t think I’ll do a game review every week. I would have to delve pretty far back into my gaming past for that! I’m trying to think of other topics – comment below with your suggestions, please!

This post, I’ll forgo a game review as well. I don’t have anything really to say about my recent games. I want to play them a bit more before I write a review. So, I suppose I’ll do something that I don’t really do often: talk about myself.

It’s difficult to talk about myself, really. I don’t find myself very interesting. That’s why I talk about more interesting things like games and movies and everything else. However, I suppose I’ll make an effort.

As I sit here writing this, I’m munching on a hamburger and eating homemade fried potato disks. My desk, newly set up in my and my fiance’s apartment, has already started to accumulate clutter. I’ll have to clean it off soon, I expect, or else try to write in a pigsty. That can wait until after the nummy food is eaten yet.

My plans for the night are pretty simple. After I eat, I’m going to sit with my love and play a game with him. It’ll be a good night, one where I’ll likely beat him again. I beat him last night at Mass Effect Risk (his game!) and he wants revenge.

Hm, this seems like a nice place to end it. Good food, good company, board games. There’s something to be said for board games in this digital age. After that, it’ll be to bed for another day at work.

I look forward to the board games, at least. Night, folks!

Con Report: Mechacon X

Hello again! I haven’t put up any promised reviews yet because I’ve been busy preparing for the title of this post. Mechacon X was a blast! Disclaimer: My experience is not indicative of anything but my experience.

My first day, there weren’t many panels I wanted to go to. I ended up hanging around Artist’s Alley, where Trust was on sale alongside my mother’s crafts and my cousin’s artwork. The first day I made no sales, sadly. When I wasn’t in Artist’s Alley, I was walking the con floor. My major disappointment was with the game room. It was moved off to the side this year and it lacked its defining feature. Without the mecha simulator pods, the game room was just another game room. Sleeping Samurai was a good addition in its stead. I took my fiance on in a bout and won him. Things I learned about myself: I go for the gut. Even so, fake sword fights and a round of Dance Central couldn’t completely fix the mecha pod disappointment.

On day two, I’d planned to cosplay the whole day. However, an early Yu-Gi-Oh sealed deck tournament took up a ton of my time. It was okay. I got a pretty good stall and token deck out of it. (Translation: I could bring up stuff to absorb damage while I got my own attackers out of it.) It was fun, but I felt like it took too much time from me. I had to skip a few panels I’d wanted to go to. After the tournament, I went up to the room and got into my cosplay. Only one person recognized me as Quatre Winner from Gundam Wing. I went to the Eien Strife concert as Quatre and found out something cool. I share a birthday with the lead singer of the band! I told her about it afterwards and it was like, birthday bonding moment is go! The rave was fun. I don’t dance, so I sat to the side with my fiance and enjoyed the music. I had glowsticks!

Day three was the winding down day. Vendors were discounting things, people were leaving, and I sold a few books. I didn’t cosplay that day. I went to two panels throughout the whole weekend on sunday: Eien Strife’s retro gaming challenge, where I failed horribly at Contra, and Spike Spencer’s voice acting panel. I gave Cheydra of Eien Strife a copy of Trust for her birthday. There was some disappointment as well. I got Spike to sign my copy of Tales of Vesperia without issues on Saturday. On sunday, however, I walked away from two actors when they demanded my hard-earned money for their signature. I told Scott Menville to his face that if they wanted my money for their signature, I’d be walking away – and I did.

The best part of my weekend was on Sunday. There was a Mecha Maid and Host Club on the third floor. I went there with my fiance in part because we wanted to see what it was and in part because we were hoping for free food. The food wasn’t free, but we had fun. I mentioned that it was my birthday and about halfway through the show all proceedings were brought to a halt. I’m not sure who she was, but one of the maids who wasn’t in a dress was on stage making this huge spectacle about secrets being kept. The next thing I realized was that I was surrounded by maids and hosts. They got on the floor and sang Happy Birthday to me. I got the cutest little treat for free and it was overall just very adorable.

Next best thing was seeing a booth for TeeTurtle in the Dealer’s Room. I got a Pocket Fury shirt – in short, when I where it, it looks like I have Toothless in my pocket. His tail with his prosthetic sticks out of the pocket and down the shirt. It’s officially the cutest thing I own.

I had a good time during the weekend, in short. There was some disappointment, but overall it was a very positive experience. I already can’t wait for next year.

Time for randomness

I made a promise that I would try to update this more frequently. This is me trying to keep that promise. I just don’t know what the heck to talk about. So, let’s go down the checklist.

Life? Work, work, work. I like the pay I’m getting in the position I’m in, but I’ve let myself get on a crappy schedule so it feels like I can’t get anything done besides work! I have a week off coming up, though, and I have big, geek-filled plans.

Gaming? Haven’t been doing much of it. Mostly been using my nifty PS4 for netflix, for cripe’s sake. When Final Fantasy XIV comes out, though, I’ll be getting a hell of a lot of use out of it. Speaking of, I need to see about getting into the beta.

Writing? I’m working on something for Valentine’s, but I don’t know if it’ll be done by then. Wish me luck! My new year’s resolution is to get two full novels done this year. I’m working on both of them off and on, so we’ll see which is done first.

So, I guess you can consider this an update. See you all next time 🙂